June 27, 2007

For Better or Worse

Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you plan to stop peddling.-- Claude Pepper

This quote defines my husbands life philosophy. When we married, he vowed to be my devoted partner for better or worse and in sickness and health. However, there was one exception. No matter what challenge we/I faced...giving up would not be an option. To give up would be a deal breaker. This philosophy has since become my own. Although I have yet to be faced with a life altering challenge, this mindset has enabled me to overcome obstacles that in the past would have pulled me down. My marriage is stronger, my emotions are better managed, and I am more often able to see bigger picture in a situation versus what my husband likes to call "tunnel vision."

All of this said, what if someone that you love and care about suddenly stops peddling. Life becomes meaningless to this person and so does the people and everything else in it. Each day is just another day that you have have to be alive...but wish that you weren't. Each challenge that arises would be easier dealt with by leaving this life. Everyday, feeling that there is no purpose for you in this world and that you are worthless to the people around you. Being treated like dirt but accepting it as you know that you do not deserve better. For me, this person is my mom. My mom does not always show these feelings, but when she does, my life stops with hers. To my husband, she is not worthy of our love and acceptance until she puts forth the effort to make her wrongs right. She has hurt the people around her time and time again and he has had enough. If my moms story belonged to another person, a person to which there were no emotional connections, I may agree. Deep down, I know that my mom would never hurt anyone intentionally nor does she even acknowledge that she has. It is only because she is hurting inside that she does not see the effect that her actions have on the people around her.

Recently I thought I had enough. I didn't speak to my mom for almost 2 weeks. In my entire life, this was the longest period of time I had ever went without speaking to her. I was wrong. I do want to help her. I want to show her that life can be worth living, she is not worthless, and that the people around her love her and would not endure her hardships if they didn't. However, she does not want help. Whether i like it or not, she is my mom and I will be there for her always. I believe that if I do this, I will have helped her. Maybe not today, tomorrow or even a year from now. But someday she will look back on her life and know that she was indeed loved.